And in case you want to go, here’s Daring Fireball.
NSFW But Geebuz He’s Funny
Jun 25th, 2010 by Daniel
Don’t Pay Restaurant Prices
Jun 21st, 2010 by Daniel
One of the things I will never order at a restaurant is Alfredo anything. Alfredo sauce is so easy to make that I refuse to pay $15 for butter and cream.
Another stupidly easy recipe is Shrimp Scampi. If you ask the waiter for this, you’re wasting your money and the chef’s time.
The first thing you’re gonna need is a 12″ stainless skillet. Do not use a Teflon or a non-stick pan, as you WANT some stickiness.
Invest in a good-quality stainless skillet. You don’t need this, but this will work just fine.
Grab this stuff:
- 3 tbsp of olive oil
- 2 tbsp unsalted butter
- 1 tbsp salt
- 1 tbsp black pepper
- 1 diced shallot
- 5 smashed garlic cloves
- 1 tsp red pepper flakes
- 1 lb fresh shrimp, (not the pre-cooked pink ones, get the white, uncooked buggers)
- 1/2 of a fresh lemon
- 1/2 cup white wine
- 1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley
- linguine pasta for four
How to dice your shallot? Watch this:
Put the oven on 300. Don’t ask why, just do it.
Start boiling salted water for the linguine.
Peel and de-vein the shrimp. Place them in a ziplock bag. Add salt and pepper to the bag, shake to coat the shrimp, set the bag aside.
(Most recipes will have you toss the shrimp in a bowl , but I only have two stainless mixing bowls, and I’d rather throw away a Ziplock bag than clean my bowls over and over. You wanna use a mixing bowl, go right ahead.)
Heat your pan to medium-low — on my oven, medium-low is “3″ on the dial-scale of 2-4-6-8-Hi — and add olive oil until the bottom of the pan is barely filled, approximately 2 tbsp. Remember that the boiling point of olive oil is 572 degrees Fahrenheit, so don’t put your burner on Nuclear, ‘k Mario? If your oil is boiling, it’s WAY too hot.
Add the pasta to rapidly boiling, salted water. The typical cook time is 8 minutes, so we want to get our shrimp cooked in that time.
Add 1 tbsp of unsalted butter to the heated olive oil and allow to it to melt.
Add the garlic, shallot, and red pepper flakes. Cook for 1 minute, inhaling the entire time. Smell that stuff, let it entrance you.
Add the shrimp, spreading them out so the entire side of every shrimp is being cooked. Stacked shrimp is the devil.
When the shrimp tails turn pink — approximately 2-3 minutes — turn the shrimp one at a time so the other sides are cooked. You don’t want raw seafood but you don’t want rubber, either.
Cook the shrimp another 2-3 minutes, then remove them from the pan individually onto another plate. Lift them out with tongs; don’t pour them out and end up losing the liquid in the pan.
Add the wine and use a wooden spatula to scrape the bottom of the pan. Scrape up the brown bits and stir it all together. This is called deglazing the pan, and is what makes the brown (not black!) bits taste so freakin’ great.
(Black bits are burnt and attempting to deglaze them will give you crap in a pan.)
Add the juice from the 1/2 of a fresh lemon, allow the sauce to come to a boil.
Add 1 tbsp of olive oil and 1 tbsp of unsalted butter.
When the butter has melted, add the shrimp back into the sauce.
The pasta should be done at this time. Drain it and add to the shrimp in the skillet.
Put your plates in the oven!! They won’t need to stay in there more than 60 seconds.
Stir the linguine into the sauce with the shrimp.
Add the fresh chopped parsley, stir it all together, and serve immediately on your warmed plates.
WARMED PLATES, DANG IT!. There’s nothing worse then spending time and energy to make a hot dinner and serving it on cold plates. Seriously.
Random Conversations With a Seven Year Old
Jun 12th, 2010 by Daniel
DADDY I WISH I HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY A CAR.
Well, what kind of car would you buy?
ONE WITH MISSILES SO I COULD DESTROY MY ENEMIES.
…
Girl: “I love horses!”
Another boy: “Well that’s just an opinion.”
My boy: “I HATE OPINIONS.”
…
DADDY CAN I EAT MY STARBURST?
No, you have to wait for the lights in the theater to go out.
NOW?
No, the lights are still on.
NOW?
No.
NOW?!
Um, the lights are still on.
WELL WHEN?!
When the lights are off.
WHEN ARE THE LIGHTS GONNA BE OFF?
When the previews are over.
I HATE PREVIEWS!
Well, they’re necessary.
I HATE THINGS THAT ARE NECESSARY!
I know, kid-o.
NOW?!
No, the lights are still on.
(the final preview ends, and the lights dim)
Kid-o, you can eat your candy now.
NOT NOW THE MOVIE IS STARTING! DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHING?
It’s The Crashing Cardboard Box
May 31st, 2010 by Daniel
BRK Legal Team Wonder-Powers, Activate!
May 28th, 2010 by Daniel
I mean, really. That’s a bit out-of-bounds, isn’t it? Well we’re calling Johnny Cochran, just to be safe.
…
Dead? Oh hamburgers.
Gonna Unpublish This Number
May 26th, 2010 by Daniel
Hopefully we’ve diverted our very kind and loquacious benefactor onto the other blog and we can write something worthwhile here.
So should we jump right into the steak recipe, or should we talk about shallots first?
(TELEPHONE RINGS!)
/sigh
“Yel-lo?”
“Is this Mr. Kitty?”
“You called me; mind introducing yourself, please? Phone-etiquette isn’t dead, ya know?”
“My apologies. This is Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks. Do I have the honor and pleasure of speaking with Mr. Kitty?”
“You can call me Daniel, but you’re on the right trajectory.”
“Excellent. I understand you’ve been promoting our newest coffee, Dark Cherry Mocha?”
“With a passion that burns with the heat of 1000 suns, yes sir!”
“That’s very kind of you. It’s word-of-mouth advertising like yours that makes this billionaire’s heart warm and my pockets tingle with the opportunity of a joint business venture.”
“NO WAI!”
“Wai.”
“You’re serious?”
“Serious.”
“What’s your plan, cochise?”
“How about I give you a coupon that you can put on your blog that will allow your readers to get a free Dark Cherry Mocha from their local Starbucks restaurant?”
“NO WAI!!”
“Wai.”
“Send me the graphic and I’ll slap it up there, PDQ!”
“Well Mr. Kitty, check your in-box.”
“SWEET!” Now you’re sure this is 100%, totally, no-foolin’, no-kiddin’, too legit to quit?”
“Totally. Legit.*“
“We’re posting right now!”
“Again, Mr. Kitty, thank you for your continued patronage and writings.”
(click)
Well shut my mouth and call me cornbread.
* 100% totally NOT legit.
Gorgonzola is Your Friend
May 21st, 2010 by Daniel
No steak; chicken. Hopefully, that will keep Interrupting Ghostcrawler at bay.
Chicken thighs! Why? Because dark meat is more flavorful than white. I have even convinced my formerly “chicken-breast ONLY” recipe-tester to admit that dark meat is awesome with this recipe.
Ingredients:
- 4 chicken thighs
- 1/2 cup Marsala wine (use the same stuff you bought when you made my Chicken Marsala recipe)
- 1/3 cup heavy cream
- 1 cup sliced mushrooms
- 2 minced garlic cloves
- 1oz crumbled Gorgonzola cheese
- 1tbsp fresh chopped parsley
- olive oil
- salt and pepper
- bow-tie pasta, fo’shizzle, for ‘Lo! Bow-tie is the Best Pasta Evah.
Boil your salted pasta water.
Heat 2tbsp of olive oil in a large, stainless pan (do NOT use non-stick) on medium heat.
Start cooking your bow-tie pasta, set the timer for twelve minutes, and remember to come back and stir your pasta frequently.
Take the skin off the thighs and de-bone them. You don’t need to pound these flat as the de-boning process has done that already. Salt and pepper both sides, put them in the oil, cook both sides for three minutes per side. Don’t burn ‘em; if you are unsure, use your tongs and check the cooking-side of the meat to make sure they brown and not blacken. Once the thighs are cooked, removed them from the pan, put em on a plate, and cover with a piece of aluminum foil.
Stir your pasta. See? You forgot.
Add the mushrooms and use a wooden spatula to dislodge all the browned-bits stuck to the pan. Cook the mushrooms for two minutes, giving them lots of space. Don’t stack yer shrooms.
Add the garlic, cook for 30 seconds.
Reduce the heat to medium-low.
Add the Marsala wine, let it reduce until half the liquid is gone.
Smell your house. Seriously. People should be coming out and asking what’s for dinner.
Stir your pasta, doofus!
Add the heavy cream, stir with that wooden spatula and keep scraping the bottom of the pan.
Add 3/4 oz of the Gorgonzola cheese and let it melt into the sauce. Stir and scrape.
When the cheese is totally melted, get a fresh spoon from your utensil drawer and taste the sauce. Don’t faint from the awesomeness, but add salt and pepper to taste. Remember that you can always add salt and pepper but you can’t take it out; go easy with the shakers, Chester.
Take the cooked chicken thighs and gently insert them into the sauce. Don’t drop ‘em; be gentle. Let them sit for a minute, then turn them.
Hopefully the pasta is done now. Drain and distribute on pretty plates. I like my blue, square plates!
Take a piece of chicken, turn it so it’s “pretty-side” is face up and place it on the pasta. Get a big spoon (no slots in that spoon!) and pour sauce on the chicken and the pasta. Sprinkle some Gorgonzola hither and yon, then dash with the fresh parsley.
Serve!! Bask in the glow of being a Chef.
Fresh parsley, yes. It’s $2 a bunch. Get some. Remove the leaves from the stems, about half a palm-full. I prefer my curved-blade chef’s knife. Watch your fingers! Hold the knife properly! Oh just watch.
Where Alpha is Alpha
May 17th, 2010 by Daniel
New database, new expansion, new life. No promises, but for the summer I’m going to get my hands a little dirty.
Answering the Mail Bag
May 15th, 2010 by Daniel
1. Yes, I’m trying the WoW Friends and Family Alpha. BRKworgen and BRKgoblin are running amok.
2. No, I’m not going to violate the Non-Disclosure Agreement.
3. No, this does not mean I’m coming back to “play” WoW. My account has not been active for a year and it isn’t active now.
4. No, TJ is not going to be the BRK Executive Assistant. Not because she wouldn’t rock at it, but frankly she’s extremely busy with wedding plans and electro-shocking Phil’s thumbs into the air.
5. Yes, a new BRK EA is being groomed.
6. Yes, my son is the most important person or thing in my life. He and his mother and I are linked for the rest of our lives. I wish her nothing but happiness and success as that will make her a better mother for our son, as I hope she wishes for me to be a better father. I will never bare our family issues in a public forum, ever. Just like every marriage that doesn’t turn out as we hoped, both parties had their roles to play in how everything evolved, both good and bad. My marriage did not end because of WoW, but last May I did quit WoW to focus on saving my marriage. At this point, we are both much happier than we were for many years, and that’s what’s best for our son, which is what’s most, and basically all, that’s important.
7. No, I will not be covering the entire frickin’ expansion.
8. No, I will not be min-max’ing.
9. No, I will not be developing shot-rotations.
10. No, I will not be espousing one spec over another.
11. Yes, I am going to try be a Hunter Tour Guide for Cataclysm. That is an excellent nom de guerre.
12. Yes, I will be maintaining both websites.
13. Yes, I’m going to do everything I can to keep Mania out of the alpha and beta. (/giggle snort)
14. Yes, Ghostcrawler totally emailed me a T-Mobile phone.
15. Yes, if you believe #14, you owe me a dollar.
The Phone Is Off
May 14th, 2010 by Daniel
Steak.
/looks around nervously
You need a pan.
/checks the phone, confirms it’s off
Cast iron.
/takes the battery out of the phone
With ridges to get those nice grill marks.
/puts the de-batteried phone under the bed
/blinks
And you want shallots red wine beef broth salt and pepper!
/examines the silence, warily
So what we want…
(DOORBELL RINGS!!)
/sighs
Hold on, please.
/opens door, says hello to the UPS man, signs that weird, brown computer upside-down, brings a small box inside, opens the box, finds another small box, opens that…
A cell phone?
(TELEPHONE RINGS!!)
NO NO NO NO!
(TELEPHONE RINGS!!)
I give up.
“Yel-lo?”
“BRK BABYCAKES!! I sent you your own Authentic Blizzard T-Mobile Communication and Tracking Gear! It’s sweet, and I can put you on the company plan for peanuts, and then I can call you using the OnStar in my Denali, anytime I WANT!”
“That’s… that’s something.”
“You’re not just whistling Dixie, chucklebuns! So what do you SAY?!”
“Say? Say to what?”
“To my offer of playing in the Friends and Family Alpha for Cataclysm, you loud-mouthed schnook! Quit making me beg; I’ll TOTALLY do it!”
“You never really offered. You just keep calling and yelling and…”
“BUY IT, MARJORIE! BRANDI SAID SHE WANTED A SHARPIE!”
“A sharpie?”
“Brandi wants to color something, I guess. I’m having my Personal Executive Administrative Assistant buy one. Why we need to get dog food I have NO idea. But it’s just money, Pablo! I keep a box of it in the yard like Tony Soprano!”
“Maybe Brandi wants a sharpei?”
“She can have as many crayons as she wants, but that’s not important NOW!”
“What is important now?”
“You and my Alpha, BRK! Get in, sit down, shut up, and hang on!”
“Well just how alpha is this alpha?”
“It’s wicked-alpha, that’s what I’m saying. We’re not even using the word Cataclysm yet; we just abbreviate it with a K!”
“But Cataclysm begins…”
“‘WHERE IS MY K?!’ I yell at those dweebs, and they scurry about, slapping keyboards and making silly voices into microphones. It’s heady, I tell ya! Just like Emperor Palpitations!”
“I’m completely lost…”
“You wanna see Cataclysm before everyone else, make recommendations, point fingers, gesticulate wildly…”
“Nice word, gesticulate.”
“Thanks! Got a Word of the Day calendar from Brandi for Christmas; that was January 1st!”
“Well you nailed it.”
“BRK, ya make me feel so special! This is EXACTLY why we need you!”
“What’s the gig pay?”
“Pay? Pay you? You’re REALLY thinking outside the box on that one! I named a gun after you; that’s the end of the line, Princess!”
“OK, so you want me to come out of retirement, try the Cataclysm alpha, make recommendations, restart the old blog, and what else?”
“Whatever you want! The world is your oyster! The sky’s the limit!”
“How about I not reach for the sky and just blog a little, do a few movies and screenshots. I don’t want to do forums and radio shows and raid 25-mans and turn this into a second job again.”
“You’re the boss, sassafras! I mean, I just FEEL the creative juices from here!”
“That’s disturbing.”
“Art ain’t pretty! Warhol said that, I’m certain!”
“So what happens now?”
“MARJORIE! DO WE HAVE THE MARKERS?! YES? THEY WET THE CARPET!? HOW DO MARKERS DO THAT?! KEEP THE CAPS ON ‘EM, DANG IT! NOW EMAIL BRK THE ALPHA CODES, RIGHT PRONTO, OR YOU’RE OUT ON YOUR PENCIL-SKIRTED KEISTER!”
“You’re certain that’s so wise; saying those things to her?”
“Mom takes a great deal of abuse, you’re right, but she always puts baby carrots in my lunch box even after I TOLD her I like celery. She’s lucky I give her a job at all!”
“Well the email arrived. I’ll start downloading.”
“You’re on the ball! Let me know what you think! I gotta run and get those markers to Brandi before they ruin my alpaca carpets!”
“You do…”
(click)
“…that.”
So one more day, and I’ll do the steak thing. I swear.
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