During my time in the Air Force, one of my assignments was flightline and backshop maintenance on several electronic sensor suites on board U-2 reconnaissance aircraft. A three-month deployment to RAF Fairford during the Bosnia crisis gave us the opportunity to be in charge of the launch team. Launching a U-2 is no simple thing, and ensuring the entire suite of sensors operated properly before launch took many hours.
My section was LGMVE and I had a little corner office with test equipment, tools, and a lockable office with our security container. I had classified equipment in there that was controlled via a combination lock and the key to the office door. Now this particular office was, at one time, used as a production supervisor’s office and it had a window that overlooked the hanger floor. The glass had been removed and a piece of plywood had been installed, providing that much more security. There was one key to this office and it was handed over after every shift.
I was woken one morning, very early, and told to get to work. An unscheduled launch was just requested by NATO and the plane needed to get into the air, ASAP. I dressed and drove to the hanger to get my sensors calibrated and ready to go. But at the office, the LGMVE mid-shift supervisor was nowhere to be found. He was gone, absent, totally missing. And with him…
The Office Key.
Inside that office was the safe. Inside the safe was my crypto equipment. The crypt codes changed daily and we needed to get the codes so that my sensors would be able to talk to everybody else they needed to talk to. But I couldn’t get the codes without getting in the d@mn door, and my cohort was apparently still in London recovering from a night of excessive debauchery. I searched everywhere to find a RAF member who might know anybody who might have a duplicate key. Nothing. An hour away from launch and we still were separated from our crypto equipment when a friend of mine recommended smashing down the door. I said,
“That’s typical crew chief thinking; excessive use of force in the face of a small problem. Go get your hammers and go fix some cockpit instruments or something, for I have a much more sophisticated plan. I’m gonna smash in the window.”
The door was heavy and designed to withstand people who did not require entry attempting to force their way past it. The window and it’s 1/4″ thick plywood defense was begging to be smashed. And smash it I did. Splinters everywhere, I tossed it aside, scrambled through the opening, opened our safe, grabbed my crypto, casually opened the door, strutted out and over to the aircraft, got it preped and ready on-time for launch.
After the launch, I went back to the office, cleaned up a little, and then went back to the dorm where I made something to eat and went back to sleep.
The next day I got a call from my supervisor. Get to the Commander’s office NOW. Holy cr@p, the commander? What does a full-bird colonel want with us?
I boogied over to his building where our supervisor, his supervisor, and the maintenance officer were waiting for me. The colonel’s secretary said, “Gentlemen, wait here. The colonel wishes to see Sergeant Howell alone.”
We knocked, he said Enter, I reported with a salute, he told me to sit down.
“Sergeant Howell, it’s been reported that you destroyed a window in the hanger. Explain.” I explained.
“Sergeant Howell, your destruction was witnessed by a member of the RAF. They reported it to their supervision. They saw the safe, so they reported it to their investigative services. They called the OSI [Ed: the OSI is the Air Force's version of the FBI] and they and the RAF have descended on the place. The whole hanger has been locked off, and they’re demanding your head.”
Gulp. He held up a piece of paper.
“Sergeant Howell, do you see this? It’s a letter from the OSI. Do you see this other letter? It’s from the Secretary of State. They used the pictures from that flight over Bosnia at the United Nations to show proof of mass graves. The US government is extremely pleased with us for providing the services we did.
“So here’s my predicament, Sergeant Howell. I have two security organizations out there who want you put in jail for Breaking and Entering, and Destruction of Her Majesty’s Property. And I have the Joint Chiefs who want me to award you an Achievement Medal for getting that bird up in record time to support a mission critical to Presidential foreign policy.
“As the commander of this organization, I have full authority over my people. And I am going to exercise that right now. I think these two pieces of paper cancel each other out. No jail, no medal. You will repair that window out of your own pocket. Now get outta my office.”
You did what I call “go into mission accomplishment mode”. There have been times in my life in the military (10 years and still going), that the rules and regs directly contradict getting the mission accomplished. At that point, look around MAKE SURE NOBODY IS WATCHING, and accomplish the mission. It happens! Glad you had a COL that was looking out for you.
Not having been a military man myself, I find the end result of that story extremely unfair. What were you supposed to do, sit outside the door twidiling your thumbs until the door was “officially” opened. What your commander should have told you is that the good piece of paper outweighed the heavier piece of paper because it was heavier stock and, therefore, you would not be going to jail and you would be getting the medal.
Just my civilian two cents. =P
I agree with Lawman30. I think the good piece of paper outweighted the bad. At the very least maybe some extra R&R or a reprimand for the guy that was MIA with the key.
The military has such a completely bizarre culture to any of us looking in from the outside (especially us from Canada). I love all your Airman Howell stories. They are hilarious and absolutely fascinating at the same time. They remind me of one of my favorite books of all time Dispatches.
http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Michael-Herr/dp/0679735259
Another excellent Airman (Sergeant) Howell story.
To the civvies reading this and not understanding the commander’s reaction, you need to understand one of the cardinal rules of military service: A thousand Attaboys don’t equal one Awsh!t. Really, he was lucky to get out with only having to replace the window out of his own pocket.
Still, did you get a copy of the letter, at least?
I assume you military guys are familiar with this? http://skippyslist.com/list/
It’s hilarious whether or not you’ve been in the military.
I was hoping that the story will end up on the window being much harder to crack then the security door… and then it got so much more interesting.
Having come dangerously close to spending my life doing military stuff, and by talking to a lot of people from different military forces all over the place, one conclusion is apparent – it’s all thesame everywhere.
I love these stories.
@ Kylofon you are not to far from the truth with that last sentence. It is usually said; “same shit, different uniform.” I find it funny sometimes how different countries armed forces can be the same, yet be so different.
… But it was PLYWOOD!
/grumble
That’s the most stupid thing I have heard all day… no medal ’cause you broke some PLYWOOD. Oh boy, it’s a debacle.
You’d think they would have had the common sense to realize that it needed to be done.
Wuw wuw wuww wuw! You’ve still got the moves!
Like, doh!, ofcourse you have! It’s still Daniel =]
Your story’s are extremely fun to read! I can not wait to read more!
Keep up the blogging, keep up the cooking! Keep up the family!
Regards,
So you got a medal and your ass chewed for the exact same actions. Congratulations!
Gotta love the military….
Sometimes the right thing to do is not the correct thing to do…
Seems unfair, but the military has their way of doing things and there is no compromise for good reason. It is great that you didn’t go to jail and it sucks you didn’t get a medal, but I guess thats how life goes in the military.
Excellent story as always.
Still breaking the talking in plurals habit, though? Caught a “we” and an “us” in there, big guy.
What airman Howell did was break into a restricted area. That being said, it was a restricted area guarded by plywood…..
And here is the thing, as much as it sucks. The only information the OSI and the RAF had was that some one was seen breaking into a restricted area. The situation should have been properly explained, but even then you’ll have some stickler officer who can’t see past his nose who’ll want your ass on a platter. Daniel is honestly lucky that situation didn’t go badly.
Still, a medal woulda been cool.
lol this is my favourite (so far) Airman Howell story. Post more Daniel!
Wow, they took away a medal for breaking a window that could probably be easily replaced anyway. :p
Anyway I loved, and will always love your military stories Mr. Howell. And I have to say nothing beats your ORI story
Thanks for the blog!
I love the Airman Howell stories! But I think this one was on BRK before.
I quit playing WoW months ago, and really only kept checking your blog for AMH, so I’m glad more will (hopefully) follow at your new home.
Oh man, I just saw the other AMH story. You are transferring them all over. Guess that’s what I get for reading the blog in reverse order.
Hope you have some more to tell somewhere down the line.
But was your replacement window any more secure?
So I’m glad you will continue blogging. I read BRK for the Humor, Airman Howell (Dirty Lil Secret: I’m a damned Army Reservist), and dialogue with Brain. Having said that, I want more stories of you trying to perform “basic maintenance” on the Z. I stopped working on vehicles once I realized that computers are more of the motor than manifolds, belt timing, and such now. Keep up the good work.
Keep up the stories!
We like, we like alot!
More stories, more stories!!!
LOL…i guess we all have a similar story. Mine was when the control tower superviser wanted my ass for crossing his runway leading a convoy of “special” weapons. The base commander asked him if he would have wanted me to stop the convoy because the convoy commander had not asked permission in time. The WHOLE flightline knew what we were moving, including the tower who had shut down flight ops. I got a “If anyone asks, we took your license for 2 days” speech from my commander.