If you follow the space program at all, you know that the latest Shuttle launch has been, frankly, a disaster. Imagine if you will trying to put gasoline into your car, and the hose spews fuel all over the car, the ground, your pants and shoes, etc. You complain, Maintenance comes out with some engineers from GasPump Corporate Headquarters, breaks out stethoscopes and microscopes, fixes the problem, and declares it safe. You go back a week later, and the same hose malfunctions again. You complain, Maintenance comes out with some engineers from GasPump Corporate Headquarters, break out stethoscopes and microscopes, fixes the problem, and declare it safe.
Then you use the nozzle and it blows up in your face once more. That’s the current state of the Shuttle program. Ask me if I’m upset that I’m leaving.
The answer is: Kinda, yeah.
I am leaving a very large Comfort Zone for an industry in which I have zero experience. I have a great deal of knowledge of the Processes that this industry uses; the military-industrial society uses the same acronyms and has the same meetings all over the world. But I’m going to be The Dumb New Guy Who Drinks Funny Coffee and that’s scary. All the paperwork is done, all that’s left is to show up to work and not make myself look stupid. So…
Top Ten Things I’m Gonna Do To Not Look Stupid
10. Bring a change of pants and shirt. Should I spill coffee, splash water, or become incontinent, I’m going to pull a Superman in my car.
9. Leave the iPhone in my pocket. I will not whip it out (cough) and provoke any Palm or PC-rivalries right off the bat.
8. Not start slinging zingers about. There will be time for my personality to be let loose upon my new coworkers, but Day One isn’t the day to break out the casual smack-downs I so dearly love to give and receive.
7. Leave my coffee maker at home. No raspberry latte, ‘cause that’ll cause too many questions that I don’t need to answer. Yes, I like fruity coffee, dang it all, but they don’t need to make judgments about my character based upon a bottle of syrup.
6. Leave the NASA memorabilia at home, too. No Shuttle posters, no Delta coins, no chunks of Pad 39A, or anything else is coming into my work area. Blatantly advertising my previous job will just set me off from the establishment.
5. No going out for lunch, unless invited. There are hundreds of restaurants around my new campus, but I need to be seen pouring over technical manuals and procedures instead of coming into the office at 1pm with Kung Pao Chicken-stained lips.
4. Leave my boss alone. Honestly, my new boss is one of the biggest perks of my new job. She and I have a very similar idea of what we want her department to achieve. But I’m not going to try to be her new buddy and co-pilot right away. I need to be friendly, quiet, competent, and over there; I want her to be happy with her choice of me.
3. Eyes never below the neck. There are lots of women at my campus. There will be plenty of time to meet and talk to the females, but for now, I need to be The Quiet New Guy, not The Pervy New Guy.
2. Be wary of the first person who wants to be my friend. Office politics are in always in motion, and I need to get a lay of the land before developing a survival strategy.
1. Do NOT get a speeding ticket. I know how to get to work, I know how long it takes, but I’ve never driven the route during rush hour. I really don’t want to start off a new career by being late because the cops did what they do when they come for you.
All good strategies for starting a new job. One thing that has gotten friends of mine in trouble with starting new jobs lately is taking advantage of work reduction opportunities and calling in sick. Also, showing up early is a good idea. When I started my current job I came in early and stayed late when necessary. Earned me brownie points so that now when I’m running late or need to cut out right away, my boss doesn’t make any comments. These are all things you probably know. Good luck.
Grats BRK err Daniel for making the jump. You rock. You have shown strength and character since you have left the wow world I wish you the best and can’t wait for your next post. You never fail to make me look at things from the lighter side. Sometimes serious and often funny. Your writing style keeps me coming back.
Good luck at the new job.
Fun thing, I’m starting my new job too, on Monday.
Also in an industry I absolutely know nothing about, but I’ve heard the training is good.
Good luck man !
Got to echo Curtis here: Be early on your first day (& first week). 10 minutes early is not a big deal when you’re the FNG, and probably expected too.
The key to your first day is find the biggest guy in the yard and beat his a**! Either that or become his B**ch.
Oh wait you said this was a new job, not prison. Can’t help ya, but a hearty hello from Cell Block 4. (I kid I kid)
Skraps
Break a leg, BR…Daniel. We are rooting for you.
Sounds like you’ve got all the ducks in a row. If I had any tidbits of wisdom they’d be:
- Listen-to-talk ratio at least 2:1 at first. Doesn’t hurt to start off as a friendly but serious, thoughtful guy. Everyone loves an audience and really listening can clue you in quickly on the internal office and personal politics. You can impress everyone later with your charm, wit, and Hawaiian shirts.
- A little space is smart with the boss, but don’t be afraid to ask what you can do to help her. Not in a kiss-up way, but in a straightforward way, “Now that I’m here, I’ll start working on X like we discussed. Is there anything else you’d like me to focus on or that I can do to help you?” I think every boss has a pile of work and (mostly unrealized) dreams of people volunteering to lighten the load. Even if she says she’s all set, you start off with some postiive karma.
- Shiny new jobs can be fun and all-consuming, but hoard some special time to enjoy your home and son. All work and no play and all that …
You’ll clearly do great. Best wishes.
That’s a very good list, DP/BRK. All that’s left to do is to be yourself, and i’m sure they’ll value your company and ideas.
Sound like a great list of to do and not do being …that new guy at the office. Hope it all goes according to the master plan.
Uuuuh, #8… Not even a Fo’shizzle? :-O
And, off topic. is this thing about firing a rocket stage into the moon to observe the cloud that arises for real? You must have the downlow.
I can’t even describe how much #3 is going to help you; and at #8 it’s always better to let the crazy out a little tiny bit at a time
Pidge said “Listen to talk radio” but implied, I think, the concept of just listening. I would emphasize that, alot, with post-its on the bathroom mirror and one on the car radio. The one guy in my office I cannot stand is also the guy who doesn’t listen. I don’t want to be his friend. I don’t want to have to assign him work. I don’t want to go to lunch with him. If we walled up his office and never heard from him again, it would be too soon. Don’t be him. You will quickly master #8 and numbers #5 -#2, just by a smile and lending an ear.
As for talk radio on the way to work, nah. Listen to what will relax you, although keep it low enough so only you hear it. Remember to breathe and if your knuckles are white, you’re grabbing the steering wheel too hard.
Awesome. Good luck. Always remember that…
YOU GOT THE POWER!!!! YEAH YEAH…..
Sorry. Had to.
@gimmlette: Pidge said “listen-to-talk ratio”, not “radio.” I made the same mistake at first. XD
@Daniel: Sounds like you got this all figured out! Love reading your musings on life, keep on posting!
In today’s working environment, #3 always, forever, for the rest of your career.
More people should take #3 to heart I can’t count the number of conversations (I work in a very male-dominated industry) that start with a quick glance down then up just in time to see my scowl. *angry*
Best of luck with the new job!
#3 = laugh out loud, so good it’s true, funny. Bless you!
#2 = makes me sad. I hate the fact that office politics exist. Just reward me on my hard work, my dedication and my continual efforts to succeed. Don’t make me hate that ass kissing clown over in cubible 9.
I’ve read enough of you to know about #11: Failure is not an option. You will go in there and learn, plan, improve until you’re kicking ass and find that there is a sudden new trend in the office to drink fruity coffees…
Personally, I would rate your #2 and #1. And of course, #3 is a good rule to follow no matter what your employment status!
One of our old supervisors (ret. now) used to tell our rookies: “For the first year, leave for work early enough so that if your car breaks down in your driveway, you’ll still have enough time to walk to work and not be late!” I guess it would be more funny if he hadn’t actually expected that.
You’ll do great. Always better to lay low and work hard for a while so that when you eventually do start being a dork, folks know you also have the chops to get the job done.