My son and I went to little lake near our house to watch some fireworks. Of course, being only 7pm there was little chance anything was going to be happening, but I wanted to get him outside for a while and enjoy the evening air. Living in Orlando, one does not attempt to go on walkabout during the hours the sun is high in the sky. But once the sun has begun its descent into the treeline, it’s safe for the denizens of this state to emerge.
Our neighbors beside the lake have a new pool. They are young, college students probably. The girls were enjoying showing themselves off, the boys happy in their ignorance of not having a clue of how to actually entice one of them over. The cannonballs were plenty, the machismo was flowing, and the feminine disgust with Boys was apparent. Looked like fun.
My phone quivered; text-message arrived. I removed my iPhone from its nest in my pocket and noticed that there was a new open WiFi hotspot here; “Ray’s WiFi”. New neighbors, new pool, new WiFi? Thanks Ray. Appreciate the lack of password-protection.
As I took the opportunity to speedily download some new email, a Kafoom and a double-screech of outrage erupted from the water.
“RAY! YOU {severe train of foul-mouthed expletives deleted}!”
Obviously Ray, the proud and trusting owner of his unprotected wireless network, was attempting to prove his maleness by drenching the lounging bikini-clad flock with little success. But then the tee-hee’s began, and suddenly the quite comely figure who let loose with the barrage of invectives realized that, no more than twenty yards away, at the edge of the lake, was me and my six-year-old son.
“Oh no. Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t see your son or I would’ve never…” and she paled and was quite upset over allowing such a darling little thing to hear her potty-mouth. I’m sure she wasn’t pleased my son heard her either.
“That’s OK,” I reassured her. “He’ll survive. And don’t worry; I am defending your honor as we speak. I’m totally leeching your assailant’s WiFi network right now.”
“Ray you {ignorant posterior}! You didn’t put a password on your network?” she bellowed. “Oh my goodness, I did it again!”
And because my son’s volume control isn’t yet automatic, his words were amplified as only a child’s can be:
“DADDY DO ALL GIRLS SAY BAD WORDS ALL THE TIME?!”
That’s just awesome.
Great story Daniel. I have three kids and can sooooooo relate. This story from my wife since I wasn’t there. My son loves Dora the Explorer (duh) but has this scared look when seeing either Swiper the Fox (“Oh no, swiper swiper”) or the Witch (“Look, the witch!!”) that sometimes shows up.
They are hanging out at the mall or some such place and run into some women with very unkempt hair and just not looking so nice…..
“Mommy, look a witch!” in a not-at-all-quiet-tone.
LOL. Good times.
Eventually, he just might learn that little thing we calll “tact”. For now, let’s just appreciate that it’s good blogging material.
Fabulous. Your son has a gift.
And I’m entertained that the young lady in question had as much indignation for failing to password-protect a wireless network as she did for getting drenched by the big lug.
Pure win.
reminds me of the time i was shopping with my girlfriends 3 year old daughter and she see’s a rather large woman. *Points* “MIKE!! LOOK HOW FAT THAT LADY IS!!!” I systematiclly hid behind displays until the lady finally left and it was safe to come out.
Perfect. A child’s innocence (although you’re probably snickering at that word, given what a 6 year-old can do) is the cold slap in the face some people need. If she’s embarrassed to say it in front of a child, maybe those words needn’t be said period?
Oh the wait was worth it for a new post. It always is
Very entertaining.
When in doubt, ask yourself:
Would I say it/do it/tell it to a 6 year old?
Takes care of 90% of questionable behavior
Of course…it also would deprive us of 90% of the wisdom of 6 year olds….
Yes, all girls say bad words all the time.
Or maybe just me.
I remember after work one evening, sitting down on my bed to watch some south park episodes to relax a little before dinner. My 6 year old nephew came upstairs some time later to inform me that my dinner was ready and sat down with me just at a moment when the south park boys were singing the Mr Hanky christmas song. I therefore swiftly moved both him and myself out of the room to go and eat dinner, thinking I had got away with it.
The next day my parents take the little lad to a nice quiet café where he proceeded to ask “Grandad, whats the Mr Hanky song, you know that singing poo?”
Busted
Once again outstanding blog Daniel, i have to admit im loving the new job, more family based stories, still written excellently
keep up the good work, and im really happy for you that you’re so enjoying spending more time with your son ^.^
Awesome story, made me chuckle.
*giggles* That’s priceless.
I just wish I could have seen her reaction to that wonderfully shouted observation.
Great story, thanks for the giggle!
A friend of mine has never been one to censor his language before speaking. That never became a problem til he had his son. Now, his little boy, at age 3, says things that make me feel like I’m back in the military. Some of the vilest comments at the most inopportune moments. Gotta love kids.
Hehehe… Sounds like a fun evening indeed.
I’d have paid to have been there watching that entire moment unfold XD! And yes, even the really ugly and the really pretty girls swear like sailors. I’m living proof!
Innocence and Wisdom only means Truth when it comes from the mouth of a child. That being said, they can get away with commentary murder whilst an adult fumbles for the nearest tombstone they can add to their freshly-dug grave.
Nothing’s more brilliant than a kid with a comeback, man. Every moment is a gift <3
Your son is made of win XD
hehe i love kids…they are just so true and honest and they never realize it…
Kids have a way of expressing what we could only dream of with out a slap to the face.
(not that ladies are the only ones, or even majority of potty mouths me included)
I’ve just stumbled onto your blog, and having read this article, I am stuck between laughing quite loudly and getting shouted at my boss for doing so.
I think its probably worth it.
Unprotected WiFi Leaching FTW!! That was just perfect that you got the chance to even tell them ohh ya BTW i’m leaching your wifi.
All your internets are belong to us!
It is probably lucky there was no nudity……..that would have brought our a number of nice questions from your son……..
I didn’t know what to do but laugh in a terrorfied state. My daughter was sitting across from me as we ate a Subway sandwich in the restaurant when she points out yelling “Look Daddy, a big brown man!” I turn around to see a very tall muscular African American walk by with his food. It was an innocent comment but I had no clue how to respond when everybody stopped to look at the guy. He responded with “Thank you little girl, most people would call me black.” Phew, thank you sir.
Daniel,
Great story… but did you get her phone number?
Mr Howell, my apologies in interrupting your sojourn however it is not without cause. Your hunters need you. I would ask the unaskable. That you for one last time team up with Hobbes and help us hold on to our Worgen pet. There was talk of having a weapon named in your honour. However weapons come and go with each expansion, Sunfury doesn’t hold the same magic it once did. You have an opportunity to be THE guy that allows us to hold onto our Worgen and every time he dings in further expansions you’ll still have the gratitude of hunters everywhere.
You sera, taught me how to chain trap, kite, and shed the brand of ‘huntard’. Many thanks *salutes*
This message will self destru…..*boom*
I lol’d so {expletive}ing hard.
That made me lol. Your son has the gift of win.
Haha, nice one. Looks like your new neighbors are going to be spoon feeding you material, whether they know it or not!
Oh don’t I know how you feel. My son and I stopped for gas one day last week, and being summer, I have the car windows open. I turn the car off and notice someone else get out of the car diagonal from us. He was a middle aged oriental gentleman (I’m not sure what country he would’ve hailed from…/embarrassed), but my son immediately says, rather loudly, “DADDY, CHINESE PEOPLE LOOK FUNNY.” I almost turned the car on and left the gas station. Luckily I don’t think the man heard, and if he did, he ignored my son’s comments. I had to tell him several times to quiet down and we would talk later…he’s also asked in front of fat people why they are so fat. I’m telling you, while the mind of a child is a wonderful thing, I’m just waiting for someone to turn around and clock me in the face with either their fist or a purse with a brick in it.
That was pure win! /cheer
My boy is only 18 mos old, but I’m looking forward to the day, with fear and trepidation, when that sort of stuff comes out of his mouth.
I love you stories. Keep’em coming!
Tim
Hehe. Reminds me of a story about my cousin when he was small, maybe 4 years old. He was out shopping with his mother when he spotted a girl who apparently thought she looked good in her too tight tights and too short singlet. My cousin stopped right in front of her, put his hands on his hips, and said loud and clear “Now I have to laugh!” My aunt dropped everything and dragged him out of the store, just in time before she broke down in laughter.
And keep the stories coming.
Souvraya
Haha great story. Your son is awesome. Needs more pictures next time though.
Let’s put it this way Daniel, atleast he isn’t looking at that scary guy down the street and yelling…
“LOOK DADDY! LOOK! ITS GORILLADIN!”
Kids say the darnedest things…
And the truth. Lots of truth.
yes little one. They say bad words ALL the time.
cool, Kids are always open and upfront. wish the rest of us could do that
Is BRK ok, hasent posted in quite a while
Daniel? Are you there?
Guess I will check it a couple more days before pulling out of the rotation. Hop you are ok, bud.
~Laz
Classic LOL worthy. I had no idea..where have I been?…that the young man was 6 already. I mean ours aged so why not yours?