Men are scanning you, ladies. All of you. All of us. Perpetually.
There is a difference between scanning and leering, and we men know that. Most men are capable of not leering most of the time, but we all scan. This scan even has a name:
The Yes-No-Yes.
We scan you in three separate data-points: face/hair, chest/torso, and bottom/legs. Each section gets a Yes or No, depending upon how… well, appealing we find that data-point.
Notice I am not going to argue that this is sane, kind, beneficial, or even worthwhile. But it is a fact that we males do this. All the time, to every woman we meet, even our spouses and girlfriends.
Of course the definition of a Yes is personal to each male; one man’s Yes us another man’s No. But we are all scanning, all the time. If you are scanned as a Yes-No-Yes at 8am by coworker X, that same coworker X will take another scan at 10am, noon, 2pm, and right before you go home. Every day.
The Triple-Yes woman is not as rare as you’d think. There are different degrees of Yes, but a Yes is a Yes, and as long as a basic Yes has been achieved, it’s all good.
If you ever see a man squinting a woman, he’s in the middle of a Yes-No Quandary. Is that a Yes? A No? Hey Chester, check out your 3 o’clock and tell me what you think. Yes? Yeah, I agree. Maybe it’s the lighting that’s making it hard to tell.
Clothing can affect the Yes/No Decision. Good jeans? A No becomes a Yes. Wrong sweater? Your typical Yes becomes a No.
You can be our boss, you can own the company, you can hold our career in your perfectly manicured fingers, and we’re still going to scan you as you start our pink-slip paperwork.
Your age has no effect upon the Yes/No Decision. The scan happens before we wonder about age, on either end of the age-ruler. The 16 year old daughter of our best friend across the street as she comes over to babysit? Not our fault, but yes. Hillary Clinton and her pantsuits? Every time.
Yes, sometimes we disgust even ourselves, don’t we fellas.
Your attitude has no effect upon the Yes/No Decision. The Shrew-Princess Coefficient is a totally different subject.
Being with a bunch of Yes-No-No girlfriends will not change a man’s mind who scans you as a No-Yes-Yes. Camouflage is not effective.
Your speech-pattern has no effect on your Yes-No-Yes scan.
Neither does your bank account.
Men are pigs.
I’m a pig.
…
Like I’m gonna deny it? I’m a pig; not stupid.
Now go ask your male significant other, friend, brother, father, etc. if what I’m saying is true. And when he nods nonchalantly and says yes, he scans every woman every time he sees her, gives her the Yes-No-Yes, and doesn’t know why you’re making such a big deal about it, don’t hit him too hard.
Too funny, and too true! lol! (girls do this too, but we don’t tell…being ladies and all…)
The real danger is when guys travel in a group. Especially when alcohol is involved, a no-no-no sometimes becomes a yes-yes-yes, then your buddys never let you live it down when the harsh light of morning shines on what happened last night.
Bad idea to post this… You do realize that you are going to get asked how you rate women you know that read this right? Even if they are an overall yes (Yes No Yes, or a Yes Yes No) they will still be pissed over the No.
Err, Daniel, you are giving away secrets again… do that too much and we haz to tak ur man card. ^_^
But yes, we all do this. Luckily, my wife is accepting of my roving eye.
And here’s a bigger, darker, dirty secret…women scan too. We all lie about it, but not only do we scan…but we probably scan MORE than you guys do.
Unwritten rule. A maybe is a no.
A saying that ties in nicely with this post for those who are otherwise attached.
“It doesn’t matter if you look at the menu as long as you’re home for dinner.”
Hopefully it’s the case that you wouldn’t go out for burgers if there’s steak at home. Sometimes the burgers look awfully tasty when they’re made up all pretty for the advertisements, but when you get one yourself they usually end up disappointing and are usually put together much more sloppily than you would have hoped for.
Am I taking the allegory too far now? Meh.
amen brother, amen
I’m just glad mine has a roving eye for the ladies as well
Mind over matter, Mind over matter.
/meditate
Ze secret, she is out.
You know we girls do it too, but not to guys, a guy has to be like jaw droppingly YES to get that. We scan other woman, compare and critic and place them in a social strata, stereotype personality and personal (social) friend or foe level without even blinking, most woman don’t even know they do it, and I bet plenty will say they don’t because they have never even thought about it.
and here’s something ELSE to put in your pipe and ponder: we gay men do it too. all the time. yes, even to you. but you know what? you guys don’t always make the cut, either.
“we probably scan MORE than you guys do”
So with that, I respectfully reject the notion of me being a pig – scanning is something all humans do, it definitely isn’t exclusive to men.
If you’d like to get an Exhibit B on this, just ask a honest girl who she’s aiming to impress when choosing outfits – the answer of course is: other women. Research also shows that while only a small fraction of men get turned on by scantily clad men, all women get turned on by sexy images of other girls. Go figure.
There was an episode of Law and Order that crossed over with Homicide: Life on the Street some years back. Jack McCoy was telling a story about how he was on the beach and saw a girl talking to some guys. He said he looked at her and thought the things guys think when they see a girl. As she got closer, he realized it was his daughter… and he felt a little sick inside.
Everyone does it, guy and gal alike. It is in our blood. The thing that separates us from the caveman days is we no longer club them over the head and drag them back to our caves.
I’m more in favor of the 1 to 10 scale where points are deducted and given based on particular traits. Your scanning method is pretty good too. =)
I dunno. I think girls do it to girls and to guys.
As multiple ladies here have attested, ladies scan the other ladies too, which means I agree with Neph, we are not pigs because we scan, it is just something we do. We check out the prize, then we check out the competition.
Short story about “scanning”.
Many years ago when I still played football, after Saturday morning practice the fellas and I used to hit a pub in Redondo Beach for lunch. One morning my wife came down with me and after shopping she joined us for lunch & drinks at the pub. I was sitting with my back to the walkway with my wife opposite when she suddenly blurted out, “Would you look at that!”
I turned to stare at the woman walking behind me with, I kid you not, two basketballs tucked up under her tiny t-shirt (or at least that’s what it looked like). I turned back to my mates and not one of them was looking at the very large chested woman walking behind me, they were all staring, mouths agape in disbelief…at my wife.
“Isn’t she great?” I said to them. “I would have missed that if it wasn’t for her.”
As the Fosters’ commercials so eloquently put it, she’s a keeper. 11 years married this Anzac Day
I don’t activly scan beyond if a person is obstructing my path/work zone..
Though the labeling of men as ‘pigs’ for “objectifying” women is one of those things I just don’t understand. All humans do it, it’s part of that well developed pattern recognition ability homosapians have. I supose I could digress into a rant about how people, rather than coalescing, push towards self segregation with the end intent of bestowing upon themselves special status or amenities.
ob·jec·ti·fy (əb-jěk’tə-fī’)
tr.v. ob·jec·ti·fied, ob·jec·ti·fy·ing, ob·jec·ti·fies
1. To present or regard as an object:
ob⋅ject
/n. ˈɒbdʒɪkt, -dʒɛkt; v. əbˈdʒɛkt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [n. ob-jikt, -jekt; v. uhb-jekt]
–noun
1. anything that is visible or tangible and is relatively stable in form.
2. a thing, person, or matter to which thought or action is directed:
Maevet – ofcourse I am special. I am the most specialest person on the planet, I am teh best.
and yes, men are pigs – luckily I’m still a carnivore so that’s no biggie.
The difference between the Man-Scan and the Woman-Scan is perhaps that it’s not so obvious when a women does it – men haven’t seemed to grasped the Discret-Scan yet. Or it’s just that women come in so many more shapes that it takes longer to scan them – who knows.
Ah so true, so true, but women have developed so many defenses to fool us! Consider the bra that can fix any amount of droop. The underwear that gives all the right curves in all the right places. Makeup plastered on liberally.
Its not surpirse that often men who go to bed with a yes-yes-yes suddenly find themselves in a situation with an ahgodno-ahgodno-ahgodno.
BTW we arent pigs, so dont perpetuate more myth. It’s human nature to check out the opposite sex hell, if we didn’t, we’d still be fish.
There is one other way to rate women, and this method has been handed down over the ages from Alpha Geek to Alpha Geek and I was entrusted with it some time ago.
It’s pretty simple really…
It all comes down to…
1 or 0… That’s right, One or Zero… Yes or No… You would or you wouldn’t.
Now, there are varying degrees of 1, and some values of 1 are quite large indeed, but when all’s said and done, at the end of the day, it’s 1 or 0.
Well, indeed, everyone scans; but I’ve never done that Yes-No-Yes scan method ! Am faithful to the good ol’e 1-10 grade method. Global yes being > 7
But indeed, as many women mentioned it, they do scan a lot too; although when they claim they do it more than us; I hope not, given how often we do it !
Funny to see how everybody agrees with you tho Daniel, would’ve thought some would come out shocked at least !
scanning is an automatic action.
fine.
it means you are alive and healthy. sad but true.
it does not make you a pig just yet.
what determine if you are a pig or not is how much influence your scanning results have on your behavior toward the lady in question.
if you let the scan results make your entire opinion or its major trend than you get the pig title.
Totally do that, though not exactly that way. With me, it’s just one simple Yes or No
Worrying biologically accurate, pigs are hairy, unclean and yet endearing, intelligent and mischievous.
Still remember in my old job when we had the area manager come down to cover for a while, after 2 days he reprimanded all of the staff for not telling him where the strip joint is in town!
Anyway I probably wouldn’t mind so much if I didn’t think I was a no-no-no so often.
I guess I have an statement…
F = Face
C = Chest
B = Body
L = Legs
If F=Yes then C
If C=Yes the YES
Note the exclusion of B and L in my equation
Lienna, having said: ” probably wouldn’t mind so much if I didn’t think I was a no-no-no so often.” thus proves that ALL people, men and women, do the scan thing.
I will disagree with her comment in that I think, if I think about it, while not usually consciously considering the scan itself, when done I’ve never met a 3xNo.
You missed the different degrees of yes and no
1. Hell Yes!
2. Oh Yeah!
3. *cool and contempt nod*
4. Yes
5. Ehhh i guess
6. Ehhh i guess not
7. Nah
8. No
9. NO
10. Hell No
11. *pukes on his desk*
And of course when your in a group of guys theirs and your scanning women together theirs always the highest degree a woman can get, its from the guy thats had 1 to many and shouts
HELL YEAH I’D HIT THAT
Heh… some of us do not…
Or at least, not scanning women.
Mr. Howell;
You have divulged secrets of national security. Please turn in your Man card at the nearest Hooters. That is all….
-Persequi (A Big Fan)
“It doesn’t matter if you look at the menu as long as you’re home for dinner.”
My best friend says that looking at a beautiful woman is the same as looking at art. Just because he likes the way it looks, does’t mean he wants to take it home and mount it.
My theory on the rating scale (from the 1-10 metric) was that the formula was rating = 10 – b, where b is the number of beers you’d need to drink before you’d take her home. Or him, if you’re female.
But yes, I think everyone scans to some degree. Some are just more obvious about it than others.
Bah. I don’t scan. Ever. I’m a little surly about that, because I explained that to an old girlfriend recently and got called a sexist pig for it. Not sure how the hell that came about… I think some women are confused as to what should be insulting and what should be considered a sign of respect.
The scanning is a part of life. From the earliest days of school, we are taught to judge others in a roundabout way. Ironically enough, it generally starts with those first lessons telling us that we shouldn’t judge others. As all people can surely remember, being told no at a young age is an open invitation to probe further.
The way I see it, if all men are pigs, those who deny this are worse than those who openly admit it.
Yes, I do believe we all scan. Two of my favorite descriptions when scanning with friends:
Good lookin’ from far away, but far away from good lookin’.
Nice armor…bad helmet!
to true
Truth upon truth, my brother. What many women fail to realize is that this isn’t even a question of sexual desire most of the time. It’s just simply observational. Even the yes-yes-yes is most of the time just noted as a pleasant passing sight. We seldom harbor lustful intents behind such glancing observations. It’s like looking at lavishly expensive cars or houses. You note what you like, shrug at what you don’t like then move on — knowing you have no intention of ever pursuing it.
It’s not sexist. It’s simply a societal human (not just male) nature to notice things and make quiet comparisons and walk-away with our own impresssions. The defining qualities however come from how we act on such impressions. There is a fine but dinstinct line between “guy stuff” and “perv.” 99% of us male types manage it just fine. Those that can’t control the “perv swtich” make the news though and spoil the innnocence for the rest of the Y-chromo population.
My name is Tony, and I’m a scanner. There I said it.
Brilliantly done, Daniel. Thanks for a superb read.
To the women who admit women scan men: My wife sometimes NOTICES guys. What she doesn’t do is Daniel’s described 3-point scan on ALL men at ALL times.
I do.
Every time a woman walks into my office or drives by me or waves at me or sits down to lunch with me. Every time. It is not to pursue or fantasize, it is a mental checkpoint my hormones dictate.
Acting on that checkpoint could make me a pig. Treating women differently based on the results would make me a pig.
Just observing makes me observant.
I think women are totally on to us with this.
Take, for example, your clothing variable.
Women/girls do the clothes sharing thing, and even shop together and buy the same thing.
Have you ever seen the chubby girl who is wearing a top 2 sizes too small for her large gut…..causing it to peak out….in a bad way?
What you’re seeing here is a careful plan worked out by her average girl friend. The average girl loans her clothes to her chubby friend, telling how good she will look in it. When these two girls are seen together, the average girl gets rating increases just because she is with chubby. A man’s rating of average girl gets skewed upwards because of the optical trick played in your comparison of them both.
All the while, chubby girl gets an ego boost by the average girl’s constant fake compliments to chubby about how good she looks. Seriously, why else would chubby keep wearing those clothes unless there was positive reinforcement coming from somewhere. Chubby would not normally dress this way…..she is just being used by her evil, average girl friend.
I do it consciously when I’m not preoccupied with something else.
But I don’t do it overtly anymore. I was dating a guy who seemed really nice in pretty much every way. Then we went to Applebees for dinner and he positioned himself so he could see everyone coming in. For the whole meal, he spent the time commenting on the women who walked into the restaurant and by our table, even to the point of stopping conversation to look, gape and comment.
And I was with some lady friends who did the same thing. In the middle of a conversation, middle of a sentence, someone would stop and stare or gape or make a remark about a guy or gal who walked by our table.
I don’t mind the checking out. I do mind the inattentiveness to the people you’re with. So I decided the only time I would check someone out is when I’m alone. If you’re having dinner with me, you have my complete attention…unless you’re boring, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue.
Bravo!
You handled a sensitive subject with a delicate class and dignity without appearing to be under-masculine.
yeah rofl well sometimes the Yes-No-Yes thing gets messed up when u drink to much but not all the time
Its primal. Our ancestors had to constantly be aware of their surroundings. “Can I eat it”, “can it eat me”, “can I have sex with it”, not necessarily in that order. In todays society men look at all women as potential mates and all men as potential rivals. We just stop at looking and seldom if ever act.
“Your attitude has no effect upon the Yes/No Decision. The Shrew-Princess Coefficient is a totally different subject.” Gotta disagree with you there. A No with a radiant smile can become a Yes. A woman who has been scanned and categorized as a Yes can have that status revoked if she turns and starts screeching at somebody.
Always worth a read, Dan. It’s funny, because it’s true. =)
Was reading this going ‘no i don’t think i do that that’s wierd’ when a female co-worker wanders over and asks me something, turning back to the screen and after a slight pause…’Yes-yes-no’…damnit.
I’m gonna put forward a motion for TJ to write a post along the same lines
BRK.. i am disappointed in you…
To the ladies who said we also check out other ladies…I don’t, having little interest in fashion and such. Heck clean blue jeans and my best T shirt are dressing up clothes, and dirt under my fingernails just proves I am hardworking…
That said, do I still check out men at almost 59, Heck yeah!