“LET’S RIDE BIKES, DADDY.”
OK, where should we go?
“LET’S GO TO THE PARK.”
Right-o! Now it’s a long ride, so we have to…
“RIDE SAFELY.”
Yes, we’re going to look over our shoulder for cars and stop at all intersections.
“I’M A SAFE BIKE RIDER DADDY. I’M LIKE A NASCAR DRIVER.”
…
So we get to the park and there’s a little girl there that he recognizes from school. Her name has been changed to protect the young.
“HI MARY”
“HI SAMMY DO YOU WANNA RIDE ON THE SWINGS WITH ME?”
“NO I WANNA GO ON THE SLIDES.”
“OK I’LL GO ON THE SLIDES WITH YOU.”
And this pattern repeated itself with the slides, the monkey bars, the pavilion, the pond, the dog being walked, and his bike.
“DO YOU WANNA GO ON THE SWINGS NOW SAMMY?”
“NO I WANNA GO GET A DRINK OF WATER.”
“OK I’LL GO GET A DRINK OF WATER WITH YOU.”
You can see in his eyes, he’s totally in control, dominating the friendship, determining what get played and when, just being a powerful Boy. Boys don’t let Girls take command; it’s just not proper. She could ask if he wanted to play in a pool of chocolate pudding and get a free rocket ship ride into space, and he’d choose something else. ‘Cause Boys take command! Praise Jeebus, my son has it down! He’s on his game, he’s totally building his destiny!
And then it happens.
“SAMMY HOW OLD ARE YOU?”
“I’M SEVEN.”
“I’M SEVEN TOO. WHAT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY?”
My son gives her his birthday.
“OH. I’M OLDER THAN YOU!”
“OH YEAH? WHAT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY?”
And she gives her birthday, which is four days earlier than his. My son blinks, and she does it. She gives him…
The Female Smug and Satisfied Look.
BLAM-O!! She takes control of the friendship! With a LOOK! She drops an FS&SL right in his FACE and the results are not pretty. His face drops, his chin is in his chest, and the course of determining what will happen next has been ripped from his hands.
“WANNA PLAY ON THE SWINGS *NOOOW*?” Yes, she accented it and drew it out, I swear to you.
“OK.”
And they played on the swings. Her idea. He followed.
JUST WHEN DO YOU WOMEN GET TAUGHT THE SMUG AND SATISFIED LOOK?! It’s so evil, I cannot believe your gender would arm a seven year old with it.
I’m outraged.
I’m aghast.
I’m mortified.
…
And I need to teach my son a counter-move.
A counter move is called compromise. 50/50 I don’t know if all these woman reading your blog feels they’re entitled to something like the lady above.
“I advise you teach your son the “Smile and Nod” soon. Things will go much smoother in the future once he masters that move.”
There are great woman who don’t look down open men, and would treat them equally. “Smile and nod” I’d teach you to “pay for your dinner”
“Master the art of subtlely convincing her that whatever it is that you want to do actually is/was her idea in the first place.”
This.
Corollary: Doing what she wants to, before she asks, thereby making it YOUR idea.*
*WARNING: May require extensive trial and error. As in…26 years and counting….
Actually, you can counter with the male’s S&SL. I’ve used it to great effect in several relationships. It’s rather tricky to use, requiring years of practice to pull off correctly. *For male eyes only* You need to be quick on your feet, finding whatever flaw in their plan is most appealing and finding it FAST. (This is, after all, an immediate interrupt effect) Get used to the female calling you a “smart-aleck” and giving you a smack. Don’t worry, once she’s been conditioned, she’ll be smiling as she does so. 1) break eye contact, looking down slightly as a smirk slowly breaks over your face. 2) Glance up out of the corner of your eye and lock eyes for about 2 seconds. 3) Close your eyes for a moment and shrug, wearing a full-blown grin. 4) Face full on to her as you “agree” with her, which will eventually remind her to be careful what she wishes for. In SoBRK’s case, he could then proceed to the swings, sit down, and say something along the lines of “You want to play on the swings? You can push first” while smiling sweetly. This move drives women, be they girlfriends, just-friends, coworkers or the occasional stranger, crazy. Enjoy, guys
hahaha we learn this one early after the boys fail to do our bidding after many attempts to get them to play nicely on swings ;P
way out:- do as my husband does ask a completely bizarre and interesting question which is totally off topic rather than answering the you’re-gonna-get-pawned-question – works 9/10 and most cats prefer it.
*ahem*
A wise man once said regarding the relationship between boys and girls. The quote was terribly one sided(male) and went along the lines of…
“You need only two words, Honey and Yes.”
Unfortunately Daniel, your son appears to be doomed to the life of being a male. On the bright side if we are good, they will cook for us. Joy?
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