www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwTbNe5guzI

And in case you want to go, here’s Daring Fireball.

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NSFW But Geebuz He’s Funny

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Makes Me Wanna Buy a PC

9. H.264 has a minibike and lets Apple and Microsoft use it on the weekends, but not Adobe because he had a small “personal accident” the last time he rode it.

8. Remember when HTML5 invited everybody over to sleep in the tree house and Apple brought two Playboys and then they disappeared? Microsoft found ‘em in Adobe’s closet when they were playing Battleship on Easter.

7. Corel is a very pretty girl, and both Apple and Microsoft have been asking her out, but she picked Microsoft. Apple was cool with it, until Adobe stated talking smack about Microsoft and how he was telling Corel that Apple was saying bad things about Corel!

6. Adobe had a birthday party and asked for coconut cake, knowing Apple was allergic.

5. Adobe told that high school bully FTC that Apple was calling FTC names, so FTC took Apple’s lunch money for a month.

4. Adobe said his dad could beat up Apple’s dad, and at the little league game, Adobe’s dad got smashed and poked his finger in Apple’s dad’s face.

3. Adobe carries when playing four-square and Apple and Microsoft are tired of never being allowed to call “no-carries.”

2. Adobe had his mom’s office buy Boy Scout’s popcorn and trail mix so he could sell the most, win the contest, and get the free tickets to Sea World, while Apple and Microsoft sold their stuff from their stand on the corner of Maple and Main Street.

1. When your parents are running the 2nd and 3rd most valuable companies in the US, you’re not the retro, punk, counter-culture kids anymore; you’re the bullies, (even if you’re right…)

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The Top Ten Reasons Apple and Microsoft Are Hating Adobe

9. I don’t see a red alligator leather carrying case yet. Not gonna bust my mojo with a black leather or polyurethane piece of dung.

8. I have a hard enough time putting my iPhone down. Gimme an iPad and you might as well wire the Internet directly to my brain.

7. iPad. It’s a bad name, (expletive deleted). It should’ve been iSlate, and I don’t think I’m alone on thinking this.

6. No camera? I can’t even begin to describe how much that galls me.The iPad is about consuming content, not creating it. What makes the iPhone and MacBooks and iLife so amazing is their ability to allow non-artistic people to be creative. The iPad is trying to turn back the clock to where newspapers and magazines generated all the content instead of permitting the general public to create. My iPhone can take pictures, record video and sound, and publish that content on my website. The iPad can’t. It’s not revolutionary, it’s de-evolutionary.

5. No iGrill app? I should be able to cook hamburgers and hot dogs on the screen. Or make stir fry with my iWok app. If the iPad gets hot enough, I should be able to do everything a single-burner hot plate can do. Gimme an iPan for my iPad and I’ll cook for the masses.

4. Contrary to what you might believe, I’m not a gamer. I have no interest in games for the iPad. I have a Wii for my son, and we play two games: Mario Kart and Sport Resort. I don’t play computer games, I don’t play games on my iPhone, and I won’t be playing games on an iPad. Portable gaming is of no interest to me.

3. eBooks I can already do on my iPhone. I have a Kindle app for my iPhone and, while have a larger screen would be nice, I don’t need an alternative.

2. Dog hair. I get my yellow lab’s hair all over my iPhone, and I cannot begin to imagine the creature that would emerge from the electronic cauldron that an iPad and my 100lb Puppy of Love’s hairballs would create. I would probably be able to claim it as a deduction on my taxes, though.

1. New tires, summer camp, tickets to Gatorland, shorts for the boy, dog food, Mobil 1 oil change, carpet cleaning, summer trip to my sister’s, electric bill, tickets to the Epcot Flower Show, minor surgery on the Puppy of Love, electroshock therapy on the cat to make her stay out of my son’s closet, renewing my domain, and Nordstrom’s is getting a new shipment of Tommy Bahama shirts.

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Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Totally Not Getting an iPad

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Wisky and Fire, I Agree