The iMac’s video card cost $330 to replace, then it broke again. Thankfully, the card was still under its 90-day replacement warranty. But still, lugging a 27″ iMac to and from the Apple Store is never a comfortable experience.

Starbucks is happily churning out my raspberry mochas. If they change the raspberry formula again, we’re gonna take to the streets.

I haven’t owned a PC since my Zeos back in 1994, preferring to be a Mac-head. But this Asus G73SW is the bees-knees. As long as you don’t expect it to be “mobile”, this laptop will satisfy. Although Asus has come out with the G74SX, Amazon still has the G73SW in stock.

Got my new business cards with the job-title increase. I was able to refrain from cackling with pride.

Get the spicy pork lunch box at KimChi and you won’t be disappointed. The Asian television shows are a hoot as well.

Royal Pains > Suits > Franklin and Bash > Fairly Legal > Alphas > Leverage. But I’ll watch any of them.

Always know your security-badge color-codes. Getting palsie-walsie with the wrong code can get your project canceled.

Joe Nelms.

My son comes home from visiting his mom in a few days, and the next school year is right around the corner. One of the great joys of my life is watching my son pop into the back seat of my convertible and driving him to school. Can’t wait!

A stupid-simple roast beef recipe has to be next, too. It’s so much fun eating a beautiful medium-rare roast with homemade beef gravy, and knowing the entire dinner is cheaper than delivery pizza.

Never install a newer version of Java without removing the old version first. Especially in a development environment. Or at least remember to remove the old version after upgrading. Leaving two versions loaded is just asking for trouble. Yes, modifying the JAVA_HOME environment variable is simple, easy, and fun to do, but it gets honked up more frequently than you imagine.

If you freak out because I’m jamming a -120 dBm GPS signal into the lab just because you know that a blue-sky GPS signal is typically -130 dBm, then I don’t want to see your face when I make you dial *3001#12345#* on your iPhone and show you that the indoor signal strength of the cell phone network, right next to your cranium, is -91 dBm! Dude, did you know that this is about 8×10^-13 watts? I’m not an RF engineer, but I’ll bet you a Korean lunch that my lab setup is not gonna fry your bajoobies.

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Single-Line Thoughts That Evolve Into More

Grabbed my computer, iPhone, headsets, iPhone charging cable, computer bag, and strutted like Saturday Night Fever out of the magoogleplex to my car.

WoohoohooHOO!! Private-property speed limits enforced by rent-a-cops? Please.

Arrived at the other lab. The 5’2″ 98lb blond Door Guard let me in. The government was there, and although I have no proof whatsoever, I got the vibe that he was busy playing online poker. Opened the vault, got the ABC Kit, popped the case, removed the cables and hardware, and read the instructions.

“This ABC Kit will allow you to connect a Refluvajuvanator Sensor to the tank, and then connect the tank to the WOPR.”

Well, that can’t be right. The idea is to test the Refluvajuvanator Sensor with the WOPR. The ABC Kit is what replaces the tank.

“Step 1. Connect the first adapter cable to the Refluvajuvanator Sensor.”

/snick

done.

“Step 2. Connect the second adapter cable to the WOPR.”

/ffffut!

done.

“Step 3. Connect first adapter cable to the tank.”

There is. No tank. Skip this.

“Step 4. Connect the second adapter cable to the tank.”

Seriously? These are the worst instructions ever.

“Step 5. Turn everything on.”

/click

/click

And nothing works. Obviously, the problem was the the first adapter cable wasn’t attached to the second adapter cable. What was missing was the first-to-second adapter cable adapter. AKA, a tank.

/beep beep boop boop BOOP beep bleep beep bleep bleep

“Yes?”

“BOSS! The ABC Kit is crap. It doesn’t have the part I need.”

“What part do you need?”

“I need an Abrams tank.”

“A what?”

“A tank. A big one. It’s not part of the ABC Kit, I cannot connect the Refluvajuvanator Sensor to the WOPR without one.”

“The ABC Kit allows you to make that connection.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it does. Fix it.”

/click

/stares at the disconnected iPhone

“Hey! Can I take this stuff back to my office?”

The government vigorously nodded in the affirmative, so I loaded my laptop bag with cables and mounting hardware, walked like Droopy back to my car, nicely broke the speed barrier back to my office, and confronted Management with my dilemma.

“This is the Refluvajuvanator Sensor. This is the WOPR. They should connect with these two cables but they don’t.”

“You know, these two cables don’t connect. What do you need to make them connect?”

“A tank.”

“A tank?”

“Yes. I checked the engineering supply cabinet and we’re right out of them.”

“Do you have the instructions?”

“Yes. Here.”

And Management read the instructions.

“Did you perform Step 3?”

“No. I don’t have a tank.”

“Well I should fire you now for not following directions. How can you make this work if you skip step 3?”

“I can’t DO step 3; I need a tank!”

“Isn’t there a piece of hardware we got to do this?”

“Yes! It’s the ABC Kit!”

“Well just use that, then.”

“The ABC Kit allows us to connect the Refluvajuvanator Sensor and the WOPR to a tank, but it doesn’t take the PLACE of a tank.”

“So what you’re saying is that you can’t use the ABC Kit because it isn’t designed to connect a Refluvajuvanator Sensor to a WOPR directly?”

“Yes!!”

“Just as well; we know that these things don’t talk to each other anyway.”

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Post from: Brain Needed Space

So You Want To Be An Engineer

They suck.

Now, wearing a suit to work every day, that’s not going to happen for me. I work in tech, and I’ll never be in upper management. I’m just not destined for that life, and that’s fine.

I’m not a technician, so I can’t bring the “filthy but appropriate tshirt” approach to the table, either.

My corporate culture is the ubiquitous polo shirt, usually untucked. Gag me with a spoon.

When I was at NASA, I decided to stick to high-quality Hawaiian shirts on the days when upper management was going to be absent, which was 95% of the time. When I left the Space Coast, I’m sure the corporate hacks at Tommy Bahama cried a little because I ceased shopping at their section in Nordstrom.

I prepared for my new life in software development by stocking up on long-sleeve button-down shirts and pleat-less (i.e. flat front) slacks. My first day, the folks were unloading equipment from a Uhaul, and they basically patted me on the head and told me to stay put when I offered to help lug servers upstairs. I quickly adjusted to a wardrobe of quality jeans and soft shoes, while keeping the nice-shirt motif.

I still stand out, but I won’t succumb to polo shirt fever.

Yes, I own three of them. One is maroon, one is black, one is white. They hang in my closet, soulless and drab, unloved. Beside them are my Hawaiian shirts, partying together and living large. Finally, my long-sleeve “shirts” that all need altering, because my waist is narrower than my shoulders, so they fit on top and kinda balloon when I tuck them in. They’re pretty quiet, mostly respectful, but much more a part of my life than the godless polo shirts that hang like drunken fruit bats next to the belts.

Short sleeve button down shirts, you say? You’re fired. Get back to the golf course, keep trying to slip the drink cart girl a twenty for her to lift her shirt for you. You sicken me.

Rugby shirts? Yeah, I’m part of that club. Got a pair of those, acting tough next to the Hawaiians. They get broken out during cold spells and when I know there might be a chance for physical labor as opposed to my tradition keyboard-hammering.

But polo shirts, especially on women, need to be burned. Polo shirts with your own company logo on them, they gotta go.

However, since our society is deeply entrenched in polo shirt culture – how it pains me to admit that — I do hereby propose that 2010 be the year of the Throwback Polo Shirt. If you’re going to go the “work appropriate tshirt” route and wear these stupid tops, I want to see something on them other than something making you a walking billboard for the corporate bosses.

Do you have a “Y2K is A-OK!” polo? Approved.

“Mondale/Ferraro ‘84” is total win.

“Alaska for Statehood!” I’m buying.

“I <3 My DeLorean” gets me pumped.

And of course, an original “The Year of the Macintosh is Here” polo shirts get enshrined in the Work Wardrobe Hall of Fame.

Am I alone on this? Is anybody with me?

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I Don’t Wanna Be a Polo-Shirt Wearin’ Yokel

All my documents, everywhere I go.

Automatic syncing.

Works on Mac, PC, and iPhone.

Makes a shared drive icon so I don’t have to FTP or HTTP or EIEIO.

AND!

Puts my music where I want it.

Shared my documents with whomever I want, anywhere they are, and they only have to click.

Simple photo sharing.

AND!

It’s free.

Zumodrive.

I wonder if they need a test engineer who can write?

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This is Exactly What I Needed

Totally unimportant person: Oh, I hide all my icons.

What do you mean, you hide all your icons?

I don’t like a messy computer.

You have a messy computer if you can’t find your icons.

No, I like to see the picture.

But if you can’t find the icons, you can’t DO anything.

I can do things, it just makes it harder…

For everybody else to do anything, yes.

Your computer screen is a mess. Look at all that stuff.

My document and application icons are strategically placed, organized by type and date. Your icons are crammed into one tiny double-arrow thing on the task bar.

Because I have a clean desktop.

If your child cleans his room by shoving everything she owns into his closet, did he just clean her room, or just move the mess so you can’t see it? Is that how you parent?

I’m telling the network people to kill your Sirius access.

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No More ‘Herd

“Wha? I was thinking about plastic switchblades and large Swedish TSA agents. What do you need, Daniel?”

Need your help in doing some research. Trying to install this Oracle patch and it’s failing because it cannot find Java.

“Java?”

Yes. The Oracle patch cannot find the Java development kit.

“Is that a problem?”

What do I know? The patch application fails because it cannot find Java and that’s the end of my responsibility. Get to work.

“OK. Google this error, check some database administrator forums you frequent, see what’s up.”

Good idea, Brain!

“Well, that is my job: ideas.”

Well look. Apparently our Java home environment variable isn’t set. Let’s fix that and see what happens…

“Get’r done!”

BRAIN! It worked!

“You may pay me in Doritos and a sip or two of Dr.Pepper, whatever that joke of a Stomach you use will allow.”

/twenty minutes later, and a crowd of people have begun mulling about and talking to a programmer next to me

…mumble mumble Oracle won’t update…

…proper version of the SKD…

…virtual memory configured…

“Daniel! Tell ‘em what you learned!”

OK Brain.

“Um, fellas, I was just having that error and I didn’t have my Java environment variable set. Maybe that’s the problem.”

“No, we have the variable in there… oh wait. It’s there, but it’s wrong. Thanks! That should fix it!”

/feeling all worthwhile and then…

“You know what Daniel?”

What’s that Brain?

“You work for a software development company now, yes?”

Yes.

“Not NASA?”

No.

“And perhaps in this software company, there might be an Oracle guru or two?”

You know, I think there are. I think they were just behind me, actually…

“So next time you have a software problem, perhaps instead of searching database forums for an answer, perhaps you should just talk to the people down the hall who do this kind of stuff for a living and basically administer those forums?”

Yeah… never thought of that. Now I don’t feel so smart.

“Can I get back to my TSA agent now?”

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The Switchblade Was Really a Lighter; Don’t Ask

So my old 401k is being divided into two and I have choices of what I want to do with My Half:

• Leave it where it is and let my old company continue to manage it.
• Move it to my new company’s 401k plan.
• Move it to a rollover IRA.

My first inclination is to dump it into my new company’s 401k and thus enjoy watching the total grow every week. However, the maxim about having all my eggs in one basket rears its head and I think that it might be better with a separate institution.

But I am a very hands-off kind of investor; I like index funds. I once invested in a bio-tech start-up firm in Hawaii. It was a penny-stock and the prospectus was really cool; using algae to solve the world’s problems, etc. What I think it really was was a bunch of biologists on vacation who, in a fit of alcohol-fueled inspiration, bought a hotel with a filthy pool and tried to recoup their losses with a fancy pamphlet and a marketting scheme. I lost everything, all $200 that I invested. So I like index funds.

My old company’s 401k is a 2040 retirement fund. My new company’s 401k is a 2040 retirement fund. And if I opened a new account with a rollover IRA, I’d probably start a 2040 retirement fund. I don’t want to spend my time allocating my money into separate growth, value, balance, international, precious metals, utilities, oil and gas, and money market accounts. I want simple. I don’t want to pay advertising fees. I don’t want to pay commissions. I don’t want my profits chewed up by money managers .

Thoughts?

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Gimme Free Financial Advice

I wrote them. Of course they work.

“We’ve changed all the software.”

Oh really?

“And all the IP addresses are now static.”

Static?

“And we’ve split the services among three blades.”

When did we get blade servers?

“Nobody can help you get the stuff running; we’re all too busy.”

Nothing is running?

“And the customer’s quality guy isn’t going to show up.”

I’ll be alone in a shielded room with an escort-required badge, no food, water, or bathroom?

“And we’re replaced the simulators with live equipment.”

Well at least that sounds nice.

“Except we don’t have all the live equipment.”

Hey now!

“And the GPS antenna doesn’t have a very long range, so be sure to check that everything is reporting properly.”

Is that why all the equipment is stacked on top of each other in the corner on a chair?

“Here. I made a list of software you need to run on each blade, but you probably can’t read my handwriting.”

Looks like someone was attacking you with a rabid raccoon while you wrote this.

“And I left one critical piece of software off the list, but I don’t remember what it is.”

Now that’s just not fair!

“Get done early and start your weekend.”

Well thanks!

“Can you work Sunday?”

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Friday: an Amalgam

“WHETHER YOURE A BROTHA OR WHETHER A MOTHA YOURE JUST STAYIN ALIVE, STAYIN ALIVE!!”

/takes blind turn, ever so slightly tries to let the rear fishtail, fails due to lack of speed and very sticky summer tires.

“AH AH AH AH STAYIN ALIIIIIVE!!”

Very appropriate song, foshizzle.

/police siren

Uh oh. Motorcycle cop.

/full stop, hands on the wheel so the cop doesn’t dust me.

“License and registration sir.”

Is there a problem officer?

“Power-slide in a 350z at noon near a university while screaming the BeeGees.”

You heard me?

“Very identifiable song. Want to tell me what caused you to do this?”

Well…

/story I’m not talking about here given to the officer, takes 5 minutes, his jaw drops

“In your house?”

Yes sir.

“Did you get any sleep at all?”

No sir, not until last night.

/officer stares at his ticket pad

“You’re not alone. Get outta here, no more fishtailing, and good luck.”

/cop mounts his bike and thumbs-up salutes me

I’m in a new fraternity, it seems, and we take care of our own… as long as we don’t mow down college freshmen.

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Seniors Might Be Fair Game

It has a scope! It has a few shiny things, a very nice sight, and it’s Alliance-only.

Today, I’m a happy ex-WoW hunter.

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The Last Word on the Subject